Shrek and Shadow Do It
by HeroineCruor
Summary: Shrek and Shadow do the Shrekx. Rated M for Shrekxiness overload and for my lack of poetic cunning in describing their passionate love affair, because there simply aren't words stomach strong enough to speak it.


It was a shiny day in whatever place a crossover story between two memetic overlords can take place and have escapades of the less family-friendly kind. Oh, and the birds were tweeting and hollering and stuff.

Shadow, the black edgehog and also a krip of the highest caliber in the most ghetto of neighborhoods, yielded as per usual a handgun that would improve his image northwards. In case you don't get it, I'm talking about his furry penis.

It was humonguous (though not really impressive), especially right now, as he was stalking a certain shrekxy ogre. He could hear All Star intermingled with Crawling in an angelic combination emanating from the glass-less window, which only served to fuel his juddering goalpost, threatening to milk itself dry.

"Feeling like a freak on a leash, feeling like I have no release." Shadow hummed as he neared the house, silently, warily, pondering the right moment to bust out his big gun.

Shrek was sitting by the fireplace, completely oblivious to the impending doom of Shadow's horny wrath, which was ironic since he was sitting naked on his couch. He was trying to get his massive swamp plunger up but for some reason it just wasn't playing along. Nothing in his house was stimulating enough, even though he owned movies which usually worked for alone time like Cannibal Holocaust. It's now obsolete from all the times he sprayed his abundance of onion essence all over the CD, ruining its utility forever.

"Whatever, i'll jist use Netflix. Efter aw, ah dornt gie a damn abit bad reputation." He said quietly as he started looking for the TV remote under quiet suffering of his penis lacking of cooperation.

There was a knock at the door, but before Shrek could even stand up to answer it bust open, presenting a small insectivore (hedgehogs aren't rodents. Just sayin'), whose golf club stood at 13 inches, which was still small by a porn fanfic's standards. It made up 1/3 of his entire tiny body.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN ME SWAMP?! Ye ever heard ay knockin', ye wee pest?" Shrek roared, annoyed, but unbeknownst to him, turned on Shadow even more, not holding back on his shrekxy accent.

"Yeah, and that's what I did." Shadow replied simply.

"Yer supposed tae bide fur someain tae answer th' duir."

"Your knack of common sense and logic is so damn unusual in today's fanfiction world it makes my girth almost reach the Final Destination. Please shrekx me, you damn stallion."

"Yoo'll dae fur now." Shrek sighed and grabbed Shadow's tiny body, feeling satisfied that at least he'll get a tight fit. Shadow's flagpole started singing "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance as Shrek plunged his swamp rake into Shadow's Supermassive Black Hole. Thrusting at a slow but strong pace he took some leftover onion rings off the floor and shoved them down Shadow's throat.

"Taste my onions, you shooting star that breaks the mold!"

"NowhI'mffhhhabelieverhhh." Shadow muffled with Shrek's smelly fingers down his throat, letting him invade his burrow like it was Poland during WW2.

Their shrekx session took so long Shrek had time to sing All Star 6 times and Shadow to sing along with three of them, but began to get more and more out of tune the closer they got to cumming.

But then, excruciating pain went through Shadow. Shrek's gigantic Tsar Cannon tore through his insides, but at the same time, Shadow could feel his Chaos Blast pierce through his frank and chili beans to the point his body shook from the onion-induced surplus, as Shrek was busting his coconut himself.

"I am… ALL OF ME!" Shadow had time to yell before Shrek's tadpole went through Shadow's throat and out of his mouth, spraying like a malfunctioning sprinkler if its purpose was to water black hedgehogs. The hedgehog's eyes turned to the back of his head as he muffled a scream, barely distinguished as "Chaos Control", but since Shrek wanted the upper hand, he made sure to have the little squirt putty in his hands and drown out his shrieks with a majestic roar of his own as he filled the hedgie's butt with his dew.

Now it being ogre using his dopamine dispenser prototype he tossed Shadow's salad and threw him outside. He took one of the onion rings Shadow had had in his mouth and put it on his cock, now being finally able to whack off like normal, moving it up and down his fly agaric.

Outside, Shadow was laying on the ground, ass in the air as he had a drowsy smile on his face, lullabying himself to sleep with "Dirty" by KORN.

And that's how, my friends, and enemies, and those neutral to me, is how Shadow and Shrek became so pressured from all the shipping memes that they gave in and finally did the shrekx in order to satisfy you creepy f*cks. Happy now?

At least they enjoyed it. More than they did your mom. *shots fired… into my chest. I'm dying now…helpmeI'mdying*

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**A/N: In case you couldn't tell (which would honestly be a miracle) this was a trollfic. Yes, I deserve to be loathed and have my bones ground into flour. Yes, I deserve all the hate you could ever throw at me. So do your worst. Just be gentle. Gentle when you do your worst.**

**I finished watching the second season of Sonic Boom and I'm honestly so tired of Shadow's bullshit. Like, don't get me wrong, I usually like Shadow... but his Sonic Boom incarnate... Holy crap. I _really_ don't like him. He makes his _Shadow the Hedgehog_ self seem like the most likable guy on Earth by comparison. Yes, he's a bad guy, and bad guys are usually evil. But he's not even evil in the likable sense, such as Doctor Eggman. He's just a pure asshole and his too serious persona doesn't fit in with the rest of the show's formula. I wish he'd just kill himself- err, oh. That was a bit harsh. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But he seriously needs to stop his crap. He doesn't amuse me _at all._ He just pisses me off.**

**So I wrote this partly because my dislike of him inspired me to write him in this "trolly" manner. I hope I did a funny enough job, even though I don't get paid. So wha'ever. Have a nice summer wherever you'll be. Cheerios.**


End file.
